Ten Things Divorce Attorneys Won't Tell You

A new article in Smart Money may be a bit hard on lawyers, but it talks about problems that are too-often encountered by people going through a divorce. People who are smart about their money start with a mediator and make sure that they hire attorneys who specialize in family law, make their fee structure clear, and discuss the extent--and limits--of their expertise at the outset.

Underwater mortgages present a challenge for divorcing couples.

Lately I've been seeing a lot of divorce mediation clients whose mortgages are "underwater"--the value of the house is less than what's owed on it. This article addresses the problem and gives some options for what might be done about it during the divorce process.

http://bit.ly/v1o8ho

Working on marital property division in mediation allows a divorcing couple to discuss all their options and reach an agreement that works best for both.

What you need to know before you sign a quitclaim.

Lisa Decker at Divorce Money Matters has some good advice regarding quitclaims for the marital home.

http://divorcemoneymatters.com/getting-divorced-what-you-must-know-before-you-sign-a-quit-claim/

From the New York Times on Oct. 30: A Gen-X view of divorce.

"My former husband and I were not good spouses. But we admire and trust each other. . . . We do not bicker; we talk about the kids every day. We don’t know what else to do. We love these children. Like every other parent we know."

The Good Divorce: Cultural Studies: http://nyti.ms/unrJDl

10 Best Ways to Screw Up Your Divorce

Diane Mercer, a mediator who often writes for the Huffington Post, has some good advice that will be appreciated by someone starting on that painful path. Attorneys will appreciate it too: 10 Best Ways to Screw Up Your Divorce http://huff.to/dFTtyp via @huffingtonpost

Marital Mediation for a Troubled Marriage

South Carolina's governor, Mark Sanford, has been much in the news lately as he has talked widely about his adultery and the state of his marriage to Jennifer Sullivan Stanford, his wife of twenty years. Jenny has said she can forgive him if he's willing to return to their marriage and work on it; he has said he wants to do that.

How can these two, caught up in such a public situation, best move to work on their marriage? According to news reports, they've already tried counseling. Perhaps it's time for them to try a new approach--marital mediation.

Laurie Israel, a mediator in Boston, has written an article that gives a good description of how marital mediation works.

If you're considering divorce, especially if you and your spouse have children, ask someone who's been divorced for ten years or more whether they'd choose to do it again. Most will say they wish they'd worked harder to stay married. Raising children in two households is harder and much more complex than doing so in one household.

If your marriage is in trouble, consider marital mediation as a first option.

Why is it so hard for some separated parents to agree on a schedule for their children? (Part One)

Most parents living separately need to decide on a schedule for when their children will spend time in each of their homes. If they are going through a divorce, they are required to submit such a schedule to the court.

Agreeing on a schedule is often the biggest hurdle for separated parents for a number of reasons.

First, schedules set up a zero sum game: when the children are with one parent, the other parent is losing time with them. And time—time when the children are in your care and in your home—determines to a great extent your relationship to your children.

When you and the other parent were still together, the children lived with you. How much time you actually spent doing things for or with your children mattered less than the fact that you lived with them. Think about it. Living under one roof with your children, you could be out of town for two weeks and not worry about your status as their mother or father. You might miss them terribly. You might talk to them every day by phone. Still, you weren’t there; the parent at home was in charge of their daily needs. And yet the important factor was that, at the end of your time out of town, you returned home to your children. You all slept under the same roof.

Now, living under separate roofs, you only return home to your children during the times they are scheduled to be with you. The time your children spend with you becomes a major part of what defines you as their parent.